Single Choices

For the first time in my life in seems, I am single. I have no one to make decisions for or to please but me and I love it!

I am discovering and learning more about who I am and what makes me happy. I am able to do what I want, meaning I have the freedom to live independently; to make choice that affect me and I don’t have to think about what effect it might have on another person. Not to sound selfish, but I love thinking about myself, which is something I have never really done while being in a relationship.

At first being single devastated me but I think it was more fear of the unknown. I have always had someone and while I know that I can do things for myself and am very independent, it was still a scary thought. Me, single? But I have grown to enjoy it very much and kind of wish I had been single sooner in life. I think I had pressure on myself to be farther in my life than I am. But I have decided that I am, for the most part, very okay with where I am in life. I have an amazing family that is always there for me and supports me in everything I do. I have spectacular friends who are also there for me in the ups and downs of life.

With all of that being said, why do I feel like I am constantly disappointing people? I am very involved with school right now (and looking for a job) since it is my last semester and work is very important since I pretty much support myself and yet, I still feel that even with all that I have accomplished, that I disappoint people in certain ways although most of them would never articulate it. I don’t see friends as often as I would like but with schedules and geographical conflicts it is harder and everyone understands that. I also feel that sometimes people look at the choices I am making and disapprove of them. But I am a grown up! I get to make choices, good or bad, and I am the one who will live with whatever comes from them. Sometimes I feel bad, like I am being judged for choices that I am making for myself and I do not think that is very fair. I know that everyone is a critic and has a right to their own opinions; however, I do not always think that those opinions need to be shared, even if done in a passive manner.

I guess all I wanted to get out is that I am free to make whatever choices I want to and I don’t think it is right for any person to judge that. Everyone is free to makes choices and, as long as they are making them of their own accord and are wiling to live with the consequences, whatever they may be, they should be allowed to with minimal interruption or commentary from other parties.

That is all I wanted to say. It is something that was bothering me but not so much that I feel a confrontation about it is necessary, especially since I hate that. I feel better for just getting it out of my mind and off of my chest.